22 November 2014

Hold your breath for the release, take two

Almost five years ago, I wrote about adaptive cycles.
The cycle has four phases:
  1. Rapid growth
  2. Conservation
  3. Release
  4. Reorganization
2010 was my year of rapid growth. I wrote thirty-four blog posts. I exploited "new opportunities and available resources," like HECUA and Mhonpaj's Garden.

On Larry Gates' truck. Photo by Emily Lund.
Photo by Emily Lund.
From Summer 2011 to Spring 2012, I conserved, accumulating supervised hours during my dietetic internship.

Then, my marriage ended.
Next is the release phase – the system comes undone. Bound up resources are released, structure breaks down.
Summer 2013 to Spring 2014 – phew. I relinquished my position with the Hunger and Environmental Nutrition RDs, I watched the clock on my tenure with the Hampden Park Co-op board, I shed and shed and shed.

Photo by Garnet Bruell.
The cycle continues: reorganization. "From the chaos of release," I wrote, "options open up,"

Writing opened up; opened me up. Just a fissure in the shell last January, prized wider and wider by steady encouragement and example.

CRACK and I'm reading a poem in front of a handful of strangers in West Virginia.

CRACK and I'm reading five poems for young food professionals, dear friends, my parents, rapt.
Photo by Eric Sannerud.
This chick has a wing free.

19 November 2014

MyTake: A Story to Nurture in Five Food Groups

This five-poem cycle was debuted tonight at Gigi's Cafe in Minneapolis, MN (thank you, Eric! #MNYFP) and The White House in Fayetteville, WV (thank you, Garnet! #RDpoets).

Grain

For my second birthday, my mother stacked bagels
into a pyramid and lit a candle.
My aunt and uncle glanced
at each other.
I grasped and cooed
at my first flickering food.
When I was old enough to balance on a chair,
I stood at the counter next to my mother as she
turned and folded,
turned and folded
nascent bread.

My hands worked, too,
on a knob, brown and hard.
She divided her mass of dough, all curves, into four,
and tucked the soft edges under.
We greased our pans—
wide and accommodating for her, a narrow box for me—
and tapped flour across the bottom, the sides.

Her loaves sprang in the oven.
Mine were obstinate,
until I developed the patience to follow the recipe exactly, to
turn and fold,
turn and fold.

Dairy

I knew cow’s milk belonged in my diet 
the same way I knew I would go to a liberal arts college—
from context and culture.
In America’s dairyland, sheltered by the Lawrence Bubble,
I ran with Russian
and lounged with Linguistics.
Then one sunny spring afternoon,
I stepped into the dark.
The Lawrence University Vegans and Vegetarians were screening Eat:
Giggles from the back row when rhetoric leapt,
but hush when furtive footage rolled.
My cognitive construct of Milk
curdled.
I stepped out of the dark, the bubble—
burst.
How could I cipher Cyrillic, compare conjugations
in this savage light and sharp air?
I made curt changes,
homemade soy milk for cow’s milk,
coconut oil for butter,
sorbet for ice cream,
and on and on.
Ossified academia lumbered along—
I semestered in Russia:
my brain in St. Petersburg, my belly in Minnesota,
and delectable dairy products in my face:
smetana, tvorog, syrok.
Russia, like so many kefir grains,
fermented the familiar to a
teeming,
complex
tang.

Protein

One thing broke me;
           two built me back.
Fall in FScN 4612, Human Nutrition,
each lecture softening the edges of my circumscribed truth.
Studies strive for stolid statements,
           but humans refuse to cooperate.
We fictionalize what we ate yesterday,
we guess at how often we eat fish,
we tick the same box for grass-fed beef,
for venison,
for McDonald’s Hamburgers.
I crumbled under the weight of peer-reviewed articles,
at odds with each other,
squinting their way to the truth.
Winter, and I watched a dietitian speak with precise passion
of an ecological approach to food and health,
           of environmental health and natural resources,
           of starting with oneself.
Essential building blocks condensed
into a strand stretching
from a protein machine, bending and twisting
into a tertiary structure,
The Food System.


Summer, and I was swept along on a sustainability safari:
landing in locations
         from labels off co-op shelves,
scuffling with scripts
         from scholars and scientists,
facing furrowed facts
         from farmers and foragers.


Now, feet planted in soil,
eyes raised to the sun,
I throw my arms open to complexity.

Vegetables
The anorexic client’s favorite tallies 
are vegetables.
The anorexic client’s favorite colors
are black and white.
I watch the clients serve themselves.
“That’s enough salad,” I say to one
           and she glares at me.
Here, dessert is more important than vegetables,
and clients purse their lips at it,
wishing one of them would disappear.
Here is the bitter pill to swallow:
there is no black and white.
Only a magnificent muddle of color.
 

Fruit

A child with her first fig 
Doesn’t know what the seeds look like
Until she has ripped open the skin.
I labored four years eating from the tree of knowledge,
facing bracing questions,
planting enchanting answers.


I rested two days with a dietitian turned farmer,
who sat on a hay bale and recalled with remorse the advice she once gave patients,
who stood by a fire and wept over the death of her son.
She planted rows and rows of trees for him, the fruit of her land.


Mary, Mary, quite contrary,
how does your orchard grow?
---
Revised April 2015. You may also be interested in the poem Sunbeam, the lyric essay Renewal. Retool. Remake., or my 2015 poetry project, Right Now Is Your Life.